| | "It's as if I've forgotten how to talk......even to You. This is one of my more comfortable venues so I figured we can hang out here.
...I guess there's been a lot on my mind, and even while the whole point of this is to tell You about these things, silence just feels easier; it's a feeling that also seems to apply everywhere else, unfortunately. The fact is...my skin may be thin, but there's a stubborn barrier between my inner life and my outer one. Silence seems like a comfortable stalemate between me and myself, to call a ceasefire on what would otherwise end with my war-ravaged mind as a casualty.
You know I don't even have the words, so do I even have to tell You when my cheeks are practically bleeding red...when my eyes might as well burn holes into the floor...when my fingernails are digging four little curves into my palm, making white-knuckled fists, grabbing and holding on tight to its own void?
Are You not blatantly aware of my naive heart, drenched in its indelible dreams? Have you not taken a stroll with me through the lengths of my imaginations to places like Potential and Ideal? Haven't You felt the inexplicable, excited tremors within my core with me? ...then what is there left for me to inform You about?"
To which He replied, "Silence is merely performative of what your chaotic soul is protesting. Don't resort to that, not with Me. Spell it out, start from the middle, take whatever time you need. I am with you...even when the words don't come out right. Empty out those stifled exhales and keep going after; don't give up on yourself. When we got Married, I told you that we were going to be walking through a lot of things together. This is what I'm here for."
It was then that He patted my clenched fists, loosened my fingers, and filled my grip of emptiness with His hands...with Himself.
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| | Posted 4/30/2009 1:07 AM - 3 Views
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